color me finished

Last night was a celebration
today was frustration
laced with
humiliation and
shame.

That orange belt was taken away
from Sam
when he hit me in the face with his
karate attendance card
because he didnt want to
and i wanted him to

go to class

that's when they took his belt
without giving him a chance to
recover
uncover
discover

why a four year old hates karate so much

parenting on the fly, samantha called it
parenting in a panic i felt it

do i make him?
release him?
listen to his tears
when he screams;
i hate it-
i hate that it is so long
i can't sit so long

my son
needs
movement


i have learned to listen to sam
even when hundreds of years
of parenting wisdom
contradicts it

i have not learned how to handle being punched
outside of my home
when i said
no to a guitar lesson and a BBQ
because your behavior was so
rotten.

the parents who tried
to help sam,
and me
maneuver the tantrum
were so appreciated
the understanding smiles-
the outstretched hands

uncle arrived
at my tearful
beckoning

and rescued the afternoon
with a tennis
match
between them

samantha
returned the
breathless
call

and reassured
me that i
parented
well

alone
calmer they
left me

alone
to pack the lunches
and unpack
the indecision