Thursday, March 19, 2009

Line Up

Mom? Did you know what I was thinking about when I was watching T play bass?

No, what?

Darth Vader dying and knowing that Luke loved him.

Whoa. The music brought that to mind?

Mom, if you eat everything you are supposed to we won't have to burn you on a pile of wood, because you won't have to die. So let's eat a lot tomorrow OK Mom?


We saw a show tonight, at a local coffee house, where Sam's beloved T(ia) was playing bass, and hosting the songwriter's showcase event. It was the coveted Mommy-Sammy night out. The music was phenomenal, being around non toddlers was in itself intoxicating.

As usual he was the only one under the age of 21 at these things, and was adored by all. Dang he is so precious. Could he get any more charming? He spent the evening nestling into various musician-friends' laps, while I kept him well hydrated with pomegranate fizziness.

As I watched him work the crowd, ask his heart felt questions about musical this, and musical that, I was astounded by his confidence, and his ever increasing independence from me. Last week his namesake, Samantha reminded me that as a mother I am the air that he breathes, he doesn't need to be reminded of my presence, at this age, mom is just a given. You are just there, and if I have done my job right, he knows that, and trusts it completely.

So my lap was empty, my pomegranate drink was empty, and in some way I felt a little empty too. Across the room was a bunch of should-be-in-college kids, drinking root beer, writing in their journals, text messaging their other friends and looking slightly ill at ease in their grown up bodies. I imagined Sammy there in fourteen years, and realized how much more at home he is in his skin now, then I may have ever been. I can relate to those kids, in some ways more than I can relate to him at that moment.

He is already quite an improvement on this older model.

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